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Friday, January 13, 2012

The Difference Between Cats and Dogs....How Men and Women Love



Are men and woman really all that different in the way they love? For years we have been told yes, in fact they are. Science, spirituality, sociology, psychology, etc., have always said so. Why should we think any differently? Every person on this earth is different. We have sun signs, zodiac charts, nature, nurture, chemistry, sexual orientation, gender, race, socioeconomic background, and many other elements that make up who we are, but when you get right down to it, men and women love in the same way! Okay before I get into that, there are many different ways in which people can show love and I have referenced this in a past article. Some of the ways people show love can be via gifts, words, non verbal communication, doing things for the one they love, etc and so on. I am not going to get back into all of that in this article, however when someone loves you pure and simple male versus female, there are some base elements which will always be the same. 
Desire, Lust, Demonstrative Behaviors, Calling, Texting, Providing, Nurturing, Compassion, Understanding, Listening, Talking, Expression of Goals, Dreams, Plans, just to name a very few!

For some reason, however, many people do not read the tale tale signs that a person simply does not love them! Either we do not want to see it (denial), or we make excuses for them (codependency), or we say we love them unconditionally (bullshit), or whatever .... point is if you love someone take a look at what you are providing, giving, doing for them. Ask yourself if you are loving within reason. If you are and they are not doing the same for you, they don’t love you! 
Now notice I said within reason!!! This is where many people can trip themselves up! A person is entitled to their own identity, friends, plans, career, family, etc. If you are asking a person not stop visiting their family and they wish to, that is not okay. Clearly there are issues that make it so that you really need to take stock in if the two of you should be together. Same goes with friends, career goals, and many other topics too numerous to mention! 
Are you asking the one you love to call you every single day? Some people expect contact via text, email, or phone on the hour! This is not reasonable! If you are being obsessive, controlling, or compulsive, in your relationship chances are you should not even be in a relationship and need to seek help! 
Now assuming most of my readers are mentally stable, I put before you a very basic means in which to determine if a man or woman for that matter is in love with you or not, or at least if there is potential for them TO fall in love with you. 
1. He / She can’t make it to a schedule event, a date you had planned, or something you two agreed to do together, even if it was as simple as movie night at one of your homes. He or She CALLS to tell you they can’t make it! It comes down to simple basic respect! I don’t care if they lack respect for themselves and therefore they could not find it in their tiny little shriveled heart to pick up the phone, that’s enabling their unacceptable behavior! They are assuming you would not have plans you could otherwise do and that you are sitting on pins and needles waiting for them to show up. They have no respect for you or your time! Dump them! They want a second chance? Thats up to you, I mean sometimes sure things happen, maybe there was an actual emergency or something but I’m not referring to that and by no means do you need to make excuses for their bad behavior! If they can’t find the time to alert you to the fact they can’t make it then they are not thinking of you or considering you enough to be in your life. Period! 
2. Their plans with you are always loose and on the fly. So he or she never seems to want to schedule anything with you to a set date and time right? Well right there you see how important you are. Now look, I’m all for setting up the potential casual meet up now and then, as life is not always predictable and your not a mind reader. You don’t even know every moment of every day if YOU will be able to swing a stop off at your favorite local club or coffee shop. So now and then a “hey if your in the area do you want to get a coffee” is fine! But if all your “plans” are non-plans and your both winging it in the so called relationship - its  NOT a relationship! I would not tolerate this of a friend and surely not someone that I think is in love with me! When someone loves you they want to do things with you, they want assurances that you and they will both have time, every moment together is special even if a quick lunch at a place mid way between your offices! Nothing is unimportant and each time you see each other you want to make sure that it works out if possible. The guy or girl who simply never is able to commit to a date surely is not able to commit to you! 
3. They only contact you when they are out with friends, at the bar, late at night, or when other plans fall through. Dear reader, if this is happening to you - you are a booty call! Wake up! Not only are they not in love with you, chances are they don’t really even LIKE you as a person! No one who likes you as a person, has any level of respect for you, or sees any potential in a future with you would treat you this way! DUMP THEM! 
4. They keep going back to their ex. Alright this one is not as cut and dry as other areas,  sometimes finances are involved, sometimes its “for the children”, whatever the reason its pretty simple to understand that this person is not where they need to be in their life in order to be with you. Value yourself, heck for that matter value THEM and where they are in their life path! If you love THEM then perhaps you should love them enough to help them wise up and say “look I care about you but you need time to figure out your path before we can be together” sometimes love is letting go and while we are questioning if someone loves US we need to also question if we REALLY love them! Love is a crazy thing and its sad that timing is not always aligned with someone we want to be with but this is no way to begin a lasting, healthy, love. 
Now sometimes you are simply being fed a line of BS. Yup thats right - its NOT always about the kids, its not always about the finances, sometimes they are not going to leave the marriage or the ex EVER but see a really good thing in having the both of you in their lives! The fact is this is not a relationship I would wish on anyone - as they are extremely taxing on the heart and spirit. They are tricky to manage and really you never feel confident in the future. Now if you find yourself in this place, and you don’t know if they love you or not, try to notice a few tale tale signs: 
Does he or she always bring up negative things about their ex/live in/spouse etc.
I mean sure if you and the one you love have communication things will come up but do they almost always make a point of trying to portray this other person as a horrid? Do they bring them up often enough so that you really truly think you know the other person? Do you find yourself focusing often on how badly the one you love is treated by this person? Do you feel sorry that they are “stuck” with them? Can you come up with valid excuses why they “have” to stay in this other relationship? Yes? Well thats bad because its not your job to make the excuses or “reasons” up! If you can come up with the reasons then its likely you have been brain washed into believing it! If we hear a story so many times we eventually end up believing it and repeating it! If you find yourself doing this you better get out of that relationship! 
Does the one you love intermittently “break things off” with you only to change their mind just about the time you THINK that MAYBE you can move on and let go? This is very typical in a controlling relationship! The skilled cheater will often do this very thing just to make you feel pain and give you the feeling of what it would be like to lose them just so they can make you happy again! Its common for the person to do this right after or before an argument is about to ensue! Its called behavior control! If they can scare you then maybe you will be on better behavior and not challenge them in the future! Maybe you have been too mopey around them or when talking to them and they want their happy person back! After all they are already in one unhappy relationship - they expect happiness from you! Sometimes they will even say that they have thought about things and want to give their relationship with the other person a final try. This keeps you waiting in the wings because after all you have heard you are certain it won’t work and you will be there, waiting for them when they come back to you! All of the above, among other, many other, things are signs to wake up and get out of the relationship! 
5. Do they disappear when you are sick? If you are not feeling well are they there with soup and a warm blanket? No? Why not? You would be for them right? Oh they would not let you in the door? They don’t like you seeing them that way? Well if your going to get married and grow old together surely at some point you will see them sick won’t you? Oh they are germaphobs? Really? Do they go out in the world for a job? Do they not work around sick people they are not even aware of? Again, if you get married and grow old together and you get a serious illness where will they go?  A person who loves you will be there for you - remember “for better or for worse” if they are not living up to what your vows would be why are you with them now? Take stock in how you are treated before you go down an isle - before you even dream about it! It is sad how many women AND men, think that the person they love walks on water and they dream daily about getting married to them when in fact in the dating stage of the relationship they are not even living up to the most basic parts of a commitment! This also goes along with when a family member takes ill! Do they go to the family home with you? Do they go to the hospital with you? Oh their schedule is too busy, or they get antsy in a hospital. Heck I do too, as a natural empath it can be taxing to go into a place where so many people are hurting and ill but I would do it for someone I love! No more excuses! If someone loves you they will do for you what you need and support you and those you love as well. They will not only do it they will WANT to do it! 
6. Separate Vacations - each of you deserve to do things with friends, go places apart. When you or the other person go on vacation do they check out from the relationship? Now I don’t expect anyone to check in with you every hour of the day that is crazy but one call a day, at night perhaps when they are back in their hotel room. A random text with some photo of something cool they saw with a “I miss you” or “wish you were here too” now that is sweet and shows they have you in mind while they are off having fun with friends! If you have not heard hide or hair from them in two days and your wondering if they are dead or alive then this is a sign that your relationship is not made of what it should be! Now I know, from years of doing readings professionally that there are some types of very self involved people, those who are so “in the moment” that they simply do not think of every little thing, but your not a little thing are you? A text or a call per day is warranted and you are by no means “keeping tabs” on them to expect this! Now if you have only been dating a week it may be too soon to expect this much communication but if you have been together more than a month you should! Every situation IS different and I want you to keep in mind these are merely guidelines not gospel but pretty damn close to gospel so don’t allow too much wiggle room on anything! 
There are many more warning signs but these would be the top few. While no two people are the same, nor have the exact same situation, social skills, upbringing or life experiences etc and so on, we can see a common trend when we are not getting what we want, need, or deserve from the person we love. The golden rule, do unto others should always be applied and you should continually ask yourself if both of you are living up to it or not! Now some of us can be overly doting, smothering, clingy, and needy. Sometimes WE are the person at fault for pushing someone away! However, if you consider yourself a fairly balanced and reasonable person, have not been blowing up their phone with texts, and have given them ample space to be themselves, and you still are not getting the basic respect and love you deserve you must, MUST, seriously ask yourself if you are being loved. The easiest way to know this is if you FEEL loved! The best way to determine this is by asking yourself mostly if you feel loved when you and the other person are NOT together! Its easy to feel “loved” in the throws of passion, when he or she are being satisfied by you, when they are sitting next to you sipping hot cocoa cuddled up watching a movie for the first time in months, etc. That soaring feeling of raw chemistry and emotion can totally lie to us! Be careful and be warned that the best time to ask yourself “does he/she love me?” is when you are not together based on if you FEEL loved! 
Keep in mind there are situations and circumstances that can overshadow the above however they are the baseline general rule of thumb to follow. If you feel you have circumstances outside of the norm you can always get a psychic reading, but it is my hopes to save you some money on them by referencing the above. Men and women do not love differently - at least not any differently than each persons character, personality, upbringing, etc and so on allow. In a nutshell men love as deeply and as blindly as women. Women love as passionately and sexually as men. Men love as emotionally and sensitively as women. When someone is IN LOVE they love with their heart, trying to put the other person’s needs first, caring for them, standing up for them and providing for them. They take time and make time for them. They try to do special things for them be that through words, actions, behaviors or whatever. Each person loves in their own way yes, some through gifts and travel, others through sweet sentimental words, some by preparing a wonderful dinner and putting rose petals on the bed. Not every person will EXPRESS their love in the same way but everyone will at least TRY something, if they are in love! 
With love, 
Azzrian Visions



allvoices

4 comments:

  1. True words of wisdom Azz, where were you 3 yrs ago, could have save me a lot of time...lol. Oh yeah there was all those lessons I needed to learn :)

    Hope you're well!!

    Janice

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    1. LOL thanks Janice! Don't know how I missed replying to your message here but yeah we all HAVE to learn some of those lessons lol

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  2. Wow, Azz, you came out swinging with that one! LOL I love the no nonsense advice. I am dealing with a small issue with someone I am not dating, but it boils down to respect, and lack of respect comes from their lack of self-respect. But it is we that have to take responsibility for ourselves. Its as simple as that. Thanks for sharing.

    Love!

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    1. Hey you! So nice to hear from ya! LOL thanks for the compliment and you know where to find me if you need any help but it sure sounds like you got this one around the balls! Errr umm something like that LOL

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Azzrian

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