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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Three Date Rule

Those of you who know me or have received relationship readings from me know that I am a firm believer in the Three Date Rule.
What is the Three Date Rule?
It is simple: Never decide if you really like someone or not before you go on three dates with them. Even then that is cutting it close but it takes at least three real dates before you should make a decision on someone. 
The first time you go on a date with someone, especially if you have never met them before, are not part of your circle of friends or have not been acquainted with them prior, both of you will be uncomfortable to some degree. Each person will be on their very best behavior, if a decent person, and each will be a little closed off. 
Body language may not be natural, one or both of you may make awkward statements or put a foot in the mouth, or be shy.  
Sure there is chemistry and sometimes that instant physical attraction which is obviously very important however, feelings can grow! 
Attraction changes! Someone who once may have been the belle of the ball or Don Juan to you when you met them can suddenly become quite “ugly” once you learn their true personality! Someone who was perhaps sub-par in your eyes may become the most amazing looking create you have ever laid eyes on when true emotions kick in! 
Attraction is not just physical however that is in fact the first thing we see and feel! 
When you decide to fully judge a person based on only one date you are short changing the other person and yourself! You also may not have been on your best while on date one! You may have even been having a bad hair day! 
Granted if you find out the person you are on date one with is a serial stalker or has some bizarre fetish RUN! However, do not stop dating someone after only one date simply because they did not make you feel flooded with sexual energy or heightened emotions of love and desire! 
All too often we judge a book by its cover! This goes both ways as well! That guy you went out with on Friday suddenly is the ONLY man on the earth on Saturday! This can be due to many psychological reasons but again, do not allow yourself to think this guy - or this girl is the end all be all of love mates after only one date! 
Before you refuse to give someone date two or on the other hand before you decide you are madly in love at a very minim go on three real dates first! 
Then decide if you are sure about how you feel.
Generally date one is always a little off. Each person trying their best even if they do not feel that instant attraction just for their own ego if nothing else! Each person worried about what the other person is thinking. Will he open the door for her. Does she want to go dutch or will she be offended if you pay for everything? Does she WANT you to open the door for her? Will the movie you selected bore him to tears? Will she like the same music as you or should you turn on the radio at all? With all these distractive things running through each of your minds there is not a lot of focus on the conversation at hand. 
Date two is a little easier but at this stage each person is feeling more or less physical attraction. Does he want you as much as you want him? Is she seeing a lot of other guys? When is it okay to go in for a kiss - or more? Should I invite him in? Will she invite me in? Should I suggest we go for a drink after dinner? Does he like to dance or should we sit here at the bar? This stage moves more into the personal arena of each person’s physical feelings, attraction, likes, dislikes, preferences and emotions. Its not as basic as date one. 
Date three is where things seem to all take shape. By now each of you have texted, spoken on the phone a little or communicated on Facebook perhaps. Regardless there should have been some level of communication between date two and three. You should not get each other’s sense of humor even if they are not the same some level of respect for the other persons way of thinking would be there or not. You either think she is interesting or she bores you to death, he is either funny or far too goofy for you. 
By now also you have a better idea of their background, which is also important to align to some degree. Date there is where you find out not only if you like them enough to continue, if you find them physically attractive enough to continue, but also if you have similar goals! If he wants to travel the world and not have kids holding him back and you want to live in Iowa and raise a huge family this is the time to find out! Date three is when people begin to open up and you would not want to rush into things before you get to this thinking you are totally in alignment when your not. Worse would be to miss someone who wants everything in life that you do but you dump them before you can get to that knowledge! 
The problem is most people fall into two categories - either those who fall hard and fast and think that someone is absolutely perfect for them before they even really know them or the group that goes on one date and if one little thing is slightly off they are done. 
Usually this is due to a lacking in instant physical chemistry or attraction. 
Give the other person and yourself a fair shot at happily ever after by using the three date rule! 


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