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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Stories of Empowerment

Some time ago I ran a contest asking for people to share with us their stories of empowerment. 
As I said it has been some time ago but I wanted to bring this thread back up for everyone to gain a little perspective and hope from others just like you and me who have been through some life altering experiences.

Shared Story #1 
Submitted on Feb 20th, 2010
My story began when I essentially had a lot of negative things happen at once. My marriage was abusive and falling apart, I had fallen in love with another man who was also married, and I was manipulated by a female who I thought was my friend who ended up having a brief fling with the man I was in love with. For years I ran through the spectrum of negative emotions. I had a LOT of anger and vengeful feelings toward the female. I was hurt, angry, confused and would go back and forth with trust issues and forgiveness with the man. I started going to psychic because I felt like I knew something wasn’t right with all the things I was hearing and being told BUT I didn’t trust myself enough to just let go and try and work through it on my own. Well, the psychic did confirm how I felt, but they also revealed the man had strong feelings for me and that we were soulmates. If you know Azzrian, you know her stance on soulmates and it’s not something that she or the other psychics who told me throw around just for kicks. Thinking back on it, I’m glad I was told because it did help relieve a lot of the emotional trauma I felt at what he had done. At the same time, I don’t think I was emotionally ready for it. I couldn’t (and still don’t LOL) understand connections and how they work. I became obsessed with knowing how this man felt and what was going on with HIM and when WE were going to be together. I lost all sense of direction of my OWN life and where it was headed and what I wanted to do. I think that the situation that I came out of was so shocking and traumatic that I needed validation from OTHER people that I was still a worthy person. Someone capable of being loved and desired. I would get anxious when I thought this man was moving on or not coming through because it made me feel like less of a person. I put all my energy on my strength into focusing on HIM, and what HE needed, and how I could make HIS life better. And all the while…this man ignored me. Totally shut me out. And I kept justifying putting up with it and being treated that way because all I could focus on was the connection and the validation I would get when it came to be. And I waited and waited and waited….for years. Putting my own life, my own goals and dreams on hold. And I blamed everyone else for my situation. I blamed my ex, I blamed this man’s wife (now an ex), I blamed the manipulative friend. It was everyone’s fault but his for the continued shutting out and negative attitude. It was everyone’s fault that I wasn’t where I thought I should be. I even jumped into a new relationship out of spite and frustration because I was fed up with how my life was going because of how I felt these OTHER people changed my path.

Realization has dawned on me slowly over the last few years. It took removal of all the obstacles that I thought were in my way to show me who was really hindering me…and it was ME. My ex was looooong gone and had been for a while, same with the manipulative friend. The man I loved had gotten divorced. And there I was, even while in my new relationship STILL waiting for scraps of affection from this man. Still needing validation that I was important, that I had a place. I would have moments where I would get indignant and feel that I didn’t deserve this treatment but I always feel back into the cycle of blame, even blaming myself for his negative actions, while forgiving him. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I reached out to him a final time, revealing my deepest, strongest emotions, hoping that this time for SURE, he would HAVE to come through and validate me, and us, and this connection. He didn’t. In fact, just the opposite. He posted a picture of his latest fling and lied about his relationship status. Now maybe it wasn’t about me….BUT the thought dawned on me that NO ONE deserves to feel their happiness or their life’s direction is solely tied to another person and their actions towards you. It’s empty living…..if it’s living at all. I finally realized that I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I can’t reach someone who doesn’t want to be reached. And all I was doing by holding on to this connection for dear life was making it unhealthy AND emotionally/spiritually draining for BOTH of us. I realized that I had the power all along to have ended all my self-imposed negative feelings. It was ME who let the actions of the manipulative ex-friend get to me even after she was out of the picture, even after I knew she had lied; I still devoted time and energy to vengeful thoughts and retaliatory verbal attacks on her behavior. It was ME who kept going back day after day after day to the psychics hoping they could tell me something good about this man and I moving forward even though I hadn’t done much of anything to progress on my OWN path because I was so concerned about his. It was ME staying home alone, putting my life on old, wasting away drowning in this connection. This man was completely out of my life and I couldn’t disattach myself, figure out where he ended and I began. I didn’t think obsessive soulmate connections existed, I thought everything that you feel is BECAUSE of the connection. But connections are just that—connections. Your life is your own. So NOW I’m trying to live for me. It is still a process. I don’t claim to have conquered it completely or to be fully healed and moving on. BUT I am trying. I’m trying to remember what it is I wanted to do with my life before I forgot who I was. I’m trying to figure out what it is that I need to be happy, apart from anyone else. I’m trying to enjoy life day by day, and work through whatever emotions come up, on a healthy level. I’m sharing my story because a lot of psychics most notably Azzrian and Ambers Light have tried to put focus on me and what it is I need for healing. Every reading I received, even when I just asked about this man, was full of information on how MY path was going and what was good for ME. Most of the time it went in one ear and out the other BUT that’s why we have transcripts LOL. I know there are a lot of people out there who feel like their life, their very soul depends on reciprocation of love from someone. But think about it….would YOU want to be with someone who has no self-love or self-direction? Who looks to you for constant validation of their worth? Would you want to be with the angry, negative person you become when you DON’T get that validation? The relationship would likely be an unhealthy one. Just because you have a connection with someone, soulmate or not, it doesn’t guarantee a blissful relationship…especially if one or both parties are not healthy and secure within themselves. I have received emails from people who are where I was, and when reading them it takes me back to where I was and I wish I could make some of them (the ones who AREN’T looney toons LOL) understand that you have to take time out to work on you. I hope my story helps someone. Thanks for letting me share. :-)

Shared Story #2 
Submitted on Feb 20, 2010
I was in the love relationship of my life and thought I'd found everything I'd ever wanted.....Unfortunately the relationship did not work out. For two years, I clung to the possiblity that he would miss me, would want me again, would call.....I was constantly checking my phone for missed calls and my email to no avail. I was doing the very things I urged my clients not to do! I finally woke up one day and realized that this is MY LIFE to choose how to live and I chose to keep the memories but stop living in the past. Life is so short and the present is all that each of us have. I immediately felt a load had been lifted and experience a sense of freedom each day. I'm not saying it was/is easy, but it is what I needed to do as I was constantly saying "what if" to myself and living in the past. That wasn't fair to me or my friends and family. I feel very empowered by making that choice and choosing to not allow him to have that control over me and my life. I have truly taken my life back!

Shared Story #3
Submitted on Feb 22, 2010

"When the Haiti earthquake happened, I really felt the grief and for that first day I felt a sense of powerlessness over the magnitude of the destruction and loss. Then as I stood still and meditated, I received the idea to create a fundraising event where I could auction mine and other friends' artwork. Immediately after getting that idea I felt a shift in me, and all of the sudden I started focusing on sending love to the people of Haiti, and not my own feelings. The actual fundraiser results were going to be an outward sense of solidarity with Haiti. Now I have never organized a large event like that, and organizing is certainly not something I identify myself with. A few days later my boss, without me asking, gave me a $1000 for the organizing costs. Friends stepped up to donate artwork and services and said they were grateful for an opportunity to contribute. I got over my fear of soliciting, and approached a local restaurant for a food donation, and they were more than happy to do it! I kept trusting my new found strength and kept focusing on the tasks at hand. I went into worry mode only once, and that was for about an hour! lol The day of the event everyone who was helping was late, so we started preparing the space 2 hours later than planned. Normally at that time my nervousness would have been an understandable state, but I didn't become nervous. Actually, I became a really good delegator, and for about an hour I empowered those around me to complete the tasks and finish the preparation. This was the first time when I have been in that role, and after the event the dj said that he's never seen an organizer remain this calm in the midst of the chaos.:)

The event was a big success and brought together people from many different communities, we had a great time, and raised $2300 for Doctors without borders." 

Shared Story #4
Submitted on Feb 25, 2010

My story started back in 2001 when I met the man of my dreams. Things happened so fast and I felt a bond with him and he said he felt it too. I never thought that anything bad would happen. He always had time for me and we saw each other often. Then suddenly all contact stopped. My calls and emails were not returned and it felt like my world had come to an abrupt ending. Like Azzrian said when she first read for me on liveperson.com it was as if someone had flipped a switch and poof he was gone. It really made no sense because the last time I had been with him he was just as fun and loving as ever. It was not like we had a big argument and he did not act any different like he was mad or cold to me. It was just out of the blue. We had been dating and I thought getting more and more serious for a year! 
Eventually I discovered through a friend of his who I had become friends with that he went back to his ex wife. I was devastated!!! Of course long periods of crying myself to sleep at night followed. I found Azzrian and she worked with me on getting closure without him being involved. I had to understand that the failure of the relationship was not my fault. I also learned that it was not about me or something that I lacked to offer him but that this was about him and his lack of ever really being ready for a new relationship. He was still stuck in his past one. I found my empowerment by learning not to hold onto a relationship that ended because no matter how something ends its still an ending. I learned to be empowered by not trying to figure out what his ex had that I didn't what she offered him that I could not and by stopping the comparisons I was trying to make with a woman I had never met. Azzrian taught me that doing that was only diminishing my own inner light and that this was not a competition between this woman and me. What really hurt at the time was that he never told me he just disappeared. That hurt because I did not get my closure with him but I could still get it on my own. The truth is that even if he had told me himself it would not have hurt any less and it may have hurt more to look in his eyes and see him letting go. In a way I accepted that this was like a favor even if a cruel one. He was too scared to tell me the truth. He was the one who was weak and chasing a relationship for ego's sake that had failed before and may fail again. The real lesson was that if he did ever return or contact me not to let him back into my life! That he had his chance and as close as I felt to him he was never really as involved with me as I was with him or he never would have went back to his ex. I have friends who have had similar experiences with men. Friends who let a person come back again and again only to keep being hurt. I decided I was not going to allow anyone to treat me this way ever again. Funny thing is and I can really find it funny now, is that he did call me, In December of this past year right before Christmas. Guess what? Things did not work out with his ex. I will not pretend it was easy but I was kind but firm just as Azzrian told me to be and I told him I have moved on. I was shaking when I hung up the phone and I do have to admit I cried a little. But after the crying was over I found myself smiling and even laughing a little! I have never felt so empowered! I told Azzrian thank you but she said not to post it in here because I deserve the thanks because I am the one who did all the hard work but Azzrian thank you! lol I said it anyway! I guess I am lucky because I know that there are other women like me wondering if he will ever call and say he wants to try again. I am only lucky because I got that chance to say NO! I realized though that if I had not worked hard and found my closure all on my own without him I probably would have said YES a thousand times YES! I am so glad I found my empowerment BEFORE he called! 


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