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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Is Closure Overrated?

Closure, the elusive need we humans have for finality or resolution.
It is healthy, healing, affirming, and makes us just feel better to “know”.
But can you recognize closure when it occurs?
Does it take two people?
Can it be found without the other person?
Usually when one is seeking closure it is because someone has not “given” it to them, but closure is not something that has to be handed over to you on a silver platter.
Usually when you get to the point of even needing closure there is a very valid reason for it! The need for closure comes from a traumatic or otherwise bad experience.
Closure is needed because we were hurt, rejected, let down, pissed off, or just plain in the wrong situation with the wrong person.
How can we expect the very person who hurt us so badly to give us this gift?
Now don’t get me wrong, not all break ups are horrible and not all situations are traumatic enough to warrant such extreme negative feelings, but more often or not in these cases closure is not nearly so hard to find. Sometimes we can in fact get closure by talking to the other person and sometimes the other person will talk to us about the situation in order to gain mutual closure. However I am not talking about those circumstances! What happens when you are completely shut out? When the phone is slammed in your ear. When texts, emails and calls are ignored. How does one go about getting their “closure” and is it really all that important?


Closure, the elusive need we humans have for finality or resolution.
It is healthy, healing, affirming, and makes us just feel better to “know”.
But can you recognize closure when it occurs?
Does it take two people?
Can it be found without the other person?
Usually when one is seeking closure it is because someone has not “given” it to them, but closure is not something that has to be handed over to you on a silver platter. 
Usually when you get to the point of even needing closure there is a very valid reason for it! The need for closure comes from a traumatic or otherwise bad experience. 
Closure is needed because we were hurt, rejected, let down, pissed off, or just plain in the wrong situation with the wrong person.
How can we expect the very person who hurt us so badly to give us this gift?
Now don’t get me wrong, not all break ups are horrible and not all situations are traumatic enough to warrant such extreme negative feelings, but more often or not in these cases closure is not nearly so hard to find. Sometimes we can in fact get closure by talking to the other person and sometimes the other person will talk to us about the situation in order to gain mutual closure. However I am not talking about those circumstances! What happens when you are completely shut out? When the phone is slammed in your ear. When texts, emails and calls are ignored. How does one go about getting their “closure” and is it really all that important? 

Of course it is! But how to GET it when the other person won’t work with you and sometimes won’t even acknowledge you let alone the fact that you need closure. 

The first thing you honestly have to recognize and answer for yourself is:
Would ANY type of closure really GIVE you closure?
Is Closure REALLY what you are after? 

So many times I see that it really is not true closure a person is looking for but continued validation of their feelings. That they ARE in fact still desired by the other person or there is still some inkling of hope. This is not what closure is about. You will not get closure by continuing an unhappy or unhealthy process. And the other person simply cannot give you the validation you seek because if they could you would not be seeking it in the first place! Be sure you are being fully honest with yourself that closure really is what you are looking for and you are not just crying out for attention, even if negative attention from the other person! 

Now if you have established in all honesty with yourself that you do indeed want true closure and you are in fact ready to move on and forward on your own path then there are things you can do to get it and it does not involve another person to hand it over to you! 

The good thing about closure is it re-empowers, it releases, and it lets GO of the past that harmed you. It does not continue it on, drag it out, or repeat the same mistakes. It is about letting go but to let go we have to get it out of our system. We have to be “heard” but the truth is sometimes what we really need is to SEE the situation clearly, LEARN from it, and hear own voice. Especially when we had shut out our own voice for so long. When we had made excuse after excuse for another person’s poor behavior. It gets to a point where we do not even hear our own voice that is desperately in there somewhere saying “wake up” “This is wrong” “this is bad for you”. 
And most of all you have to – absolutely MUST truly be ready to let go and move forward! You can’t fool yourself on this one! 

For closure to happen we have to work within ourselves! For true closure we do not need that other person. We need only to work through a process. 

There are several ways I have found effective to gain closure but there is one in particular I find helpful.

It is an exercise I call The Letter

The Letter is an exercise in which you write … yes …. A LETTER! 

This letter should be written knowing you need never ever mail it! 
This letter is for you and you alone. 
You are not to hold back.
Not to leave out any small detail.
You can be as angry, hurtful, mean, obstinate, loving, as you want.
Any and all emotions you have need to go into the letter.
You cannot worry about what the person you are writing it to may think or feel! 
You have to pour out your heart, every weakness every fear every anger every frustration, everything you have to say and never could, everything you want to say but don’t feel justified in doing so. Let it all go. 
The letter must be hand written – no typing and printing out! 
Some people will even go out and buy special stationery for this to make it even more of a process, a ritual if you will. Since it is your last statement to this person symbolically, you should put your all into it as we know from law of attraction what we put out is what we get back, so we want to put our all into this project in order to get a healthy return on our emotional investment. 
After you hand write your letter, put it in an envelope with your own name on it.
Seal it.
Sleep with it under your pillow for three days.
On the third day, take it out and read it.
Make it an event. Don’t rush. Read it over with a cup of tea or glass of wine. 
Make it a time for you to reflect upon what you have written.
Then ask yourself…. “If I were to send this letter would it be my final draft?”
Did you say exactly what you want to say? Did you leave anything out? Is there something you said you would want to take out? Would you change it?
Is it perfect?
Now is the time to re-write your letter. Yes again you must hand write it.
This time you may want to change a few things, add in something, take something out but either way re-write it, even if it stays exactly the same. 
This time take more diligence in your handwriting, the neatness, and the flow of the words. Pay more attention this time as this time you know more of what you want to say, you will be less emotionally tangled and able to focus more clearly now.
Let this draft be clear and concise and neatly written both in your handwriting and in your writing style, it can flow better now, come across more evenly.
Allow yourself to feel the ebb and flow of the writing process and put your full self into it.
Remember this is about letting go. Not finding resolution! That is key. Resolution is not closure! I feel all too often people confuse the two. Resolution usually brings about a solution or agreement. Clearly if you are seeking closure over someone then resolution was not possible between the two of you. So do not go into this hoping to find some way to make it all okay! It is NOT okay or you would not be feeling the way that you do! 
Remember this is about healing, letting go, and moving into a new forward and healthy direction. 
With that said, again I have to stress that if you are not fully ready to let go then you wont be able to and you cannot trick yourself or the universe on this! 
Now that you have written your letter again, put it in a new envelope and this time address it to the person it is intended for, and again do not worry you will not ever have to send this letter! 
Address it, stamp it as if you were going to send it then again, sleep on it for three nights.
After the third night open it – read it again. 
Is it perfect now? 
Is this really what you feel?
Is this really what you want to say?
If not, repeat process.
If so then now it is time to get your finality on this exercise.
Take the letter; one more time put it in an envelope.
Address, and seal.
Place the letter in its envelop under a white candle.
Use a tea light or votive.
Scented or unscented it does not matter.
Light the candle and let it burn all the way out.
While it is burning sit with it, looking at the flame.
Put your INTENT into the flame.
Speak what you want.
Ask for the closure and completion of this life path so that you can move forward in a happy healthy and whole direction.
Ask to be released of the burden that has been plaguing you.
Ask that your energy be freed of any remorse, angst, anger, fear, sadness, etc.
When the flame burns out you can take the letter. You may now do one of two things. You can send it – this would be only IF you wish or you can take it to the mailbox with a match standing in front of the mailbox and burn it. The ashes then are collected and laid into the earth. 

This is one of many exercises that can be done in order to bring CLOSURE without the other person involved. I hope this has helped in some way.
Love
Azzrian


allvoices

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

So Pretty!

My hubby just made this for me and I wanted to post it because it is soooo pretty :)
I will find a place to use it but for now wanted to put it on my blog.
Thanks Harry for making all my cool banners too!
xoxox



allvoices

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Resolutions? How about Manifestations!

As we approach a New Year people tend to begin to think of their resolutions.

I find resolutions a good thing but still we allow ourselves far too many “outs’ and more often than not we tend to find ourselves making the same resolutions the next year.

I prefer to do manifestations for the New Year. This allows for us to put out our intent and hand the rest over to the universe. By doing so we are not dis-empowering ourselves as we cant simply “put it out there” and expect everything we manifest to fall into our laps but we do have that extra boost of having the universe on our side if what we manifest is what is truly best for our path!

Manifestations are also usually more world centered than self-centered. A Manifestation can include others were a resolution tends to be things we plan to do for ourselves.

I would love for everyone to add their own New Years manifestations in the comment filed below this post so we can all work together to bring in a great New Year!

Please, leave a comment on what you manifest for 2010!

I will start us off with my top manifestation choice!

I manifest that all of us have a very healthy year in 2010. That we all have mental, emotional and physical health! With good health everything is better from our relationships to work. For 2010 I manifest for all great health and well-being!
Love,
Azzrian

allvoices

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Sagittarius In Love

Your Sag love interest is intelligent and social. They draw people to them like a magnet and they love to pick the brains of those they are interested in. They are to the point and direct sometimes to a fault but you never wonder what a Sag is thinking! They need in return direct honesty and do not like to be lied to. They tend to gravitate toward people who know what they want and if they do not know what they want will seek out the information needed to make a quick decision. They are not the most patient sign out there.


Sagittarius In Love
They enjoy the company of intellectual people and those who like to explore and study others. They tend to over think and pick things apart before making a decision but it does not usually take them long to do so.


In love a Sag needs someone who is willing to allow them the freedom to explore life. They do not want to feel that they are being held back in any way be it emotionally, mentally or physically. This does not mean they are not loyal to their lover but they are independent souls who need to explore the world though experiences, travel, education, social circumstances etc. What they want is for their loved one to do this with them. They want a partnership and a meeting of minds is their bliss!


Sag are very trusting in love and the last thing you want to do is lose that trust! If you hurt a Sag it is very hard to get back into their hearts again, they will not think twice about ending a relationship over a lie or disloyalty! Doubting a Sag is also like a knife to their hearts. They give you their trust and expect it in return. To doubt a Sag is a huge mistake if you want to keep them in your life.


The Sag ego is very big, no, enormous! They need constant compliments and are a bit self indulgent to say the least. They are very careful to look their best and have a sense of style and want you to notice! Complimenting your Sag lover is for them, foreplay!


Your Sag lover will do just about anything for you and if truly in love with you will be quite loyal to the end but they are easily distracted by other love interests until they make up their mind that you are indeed the one. The worst thing you can do is to be jealous of others they may be dating and try to pin them down or take away their freedom! It is the person they are dating that is fun, outgoing, full of life and adventure and not threatened by others they may have on their dating list that will win the Sag heart! Once you have their heart you will have loyalty!


If you have a fragile ego then you may not want a Sag as a love mate. They do not always say things the right way and sometimes can seem very insensitive but the truth is that your Sag is really one of the most sensitive and caring signs of the Zodiac, they just suffer from foot in mouth disease! They have the best intentions, try to say the right things to make you feel better when you are down, try to do things to assist you but all too often they just are not sure what to say or do and in their deep desire to help you they end up hurting you more. If you cannot understand this is not intentional and really they are just not good at this type of thing then you should look to another sign for love


However, if you are looking for an exciting person who is full of life and zest, who loves to explore and discover, likes to be social and independent, who will allow you your own independence as well and who once committed will be with you till the end then Sag is your love mate!

allvoices

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Morale

In light of the recent chat session with OneGoodSoul and a recent development for my daughter, Emma, I have been thinking about Morale.


The messages we allow into our nervous system and to seep into our brains can make or break us. Basically the way in which we allow messages to be received can be so damaging or they can be very empowering!


My daughter has two serious medical conditions. She has always had me to help her focus on healing via mediation and visualization and now I know of Theta healing which is wonderful! However there are many family members and even her doctors who put these messages into her: “ you have a serious disease”, “You are not well”, “you are sick” which all equate to “you are imperfect”. This is not the message I wish for my child!


Reality has it that there ARE medical conditions and we do have to utilize modern medicine, however there are a lot of faults in the way in which communication comes across to us regarding this.

Now for myself, I have had type 1 diabetes for 39 years, I am now 40. Born in 1969 it was rare to even catch it so early on and I was very lucky for this or I would have died.
With that said, I have never subscribed to the idea that this disease would kill me. I have been told since I was a child the effects of type 1 diabetes on a person. I “know” that I “should” be blind by now, or have had a heart attack, or have lost a leg, or ……you get the idea. This has been FED into me all my life, yet I KNEW and perhaps it is because of my psychic abilities, perhaps it is because I knew that it was misinformation, etc but I never would allow that to seep into MY BRAIN!

Now there is a difference between denial and blocking negative energy from our receptors! I am not in denial of my condition, I just will not allow for me to be pre-determined to DIE from this disease or to get any of these so called “side-effects”. And as long as I view them AS “so-called” I am sending the PROPER messages to my brain!

Once we accept defeat we ARE in fact defeated!

Cancer is very hard to cure via chemotherapy and modern medicine but has been cured and left without a trace using biofeedback, theta and other alternative procedures! This is because the process of these alternative procedures are enlightening and empowering whereas modern medicine is so negative and sad. Now I would never say to avoid modern medicine! Without my insulin all these years I would be a gonner lol BUT we have to really think about the messages we allow into our nervous system and correct the mistakes that others will push on us! There is a happy medium!

Yesterday my daughter was told by her doctor that she no longer needs to wear her brace! This was wonderful news that everyone was happy to hear but I look at it as a chance to make a new start! I have emailed my family to let them know that NOW is the time to change how they speak to her and how they address her illnesses. That now is the time for HER to realize she is in fact PERFECT! Even though she has a ways to go in developing muscle tone and stamina just hearing the words “You no longer need your brace” is a message to her nervous system that she is HEALED! Now she will face each day KNOWING she can get through it with ease! And until and unless someone says to her the negative messages “oh sweetie was it hard for you today?” always said with concern mind you but diminishing none the less, “aweee Emma is it hard for you to walk around the school?” again, concern but depleting.

Today is the day to simply begin to treat her as PERFET because she in fact IS perfect! Mind over matter and manifestation is key and yes she will still go do some weight training to build her muscle tone and yes she will still need to take a pain med now and then but I would bet you a billion dollars (if I had it lol) that she will need pain meds much less than before, and she will approach her work outs with so much more vigor than before just based on this new POSITIVE message she has received and it is my goal not to allow anyone to put into her system that this is TOO much for her or TOO hard for her or that she is “sick”.

Morale is what she needs more than anything right now and Moral is what I am training my family to give to her! Its not easy to train people to rethink or relearn what has been engrained into them all their lives however it is a must for us all to realize what we feed into our brains is what will be.

With love,
Azzrian

allvoices